Anna Mae's Smoky Sweet Chipotle Sauce

Have you ever tried a sauce so good it made you climax? Yeah, me neither, because that would be weird. Plus, who expects that type of reaction from a condiment? That's some Jeffrey Dahmer stuff right there. How creepy was that dude? I don't know what marinades or seasonings he used on those dead bodies he was eating, but it was probably something weird like Horseradish or Worchestershire pronounced (worshchesthairhzxcmndhj), but enough about Jeffrey Dahmer, that's not really the point here.

The point is that there exists a sauce so robustly flavorful, so inconceivably mouthwatering, so tantalizingly delicious that one drop of it will send your taste buds into a frenzy like a group of pre-teen girls at a One Direction concert. Not only is this sauce smoky, sweet, and Chipotle flavored, but it's also perfectly named

Pour some Anna Mae's Smoky Sweet Chipotle Sauce on chicken, pork, burgers or ribs. Any meat you can think of will instantly be enhanced by this ridiculously savory blend of peppers and spice. Aldi brand chicken nuggets will taste like a gourmet meal accompanied by this delectable sauce. Hell, this stuff is good enough to make a Turd Sirloin taste like a Prime Rib. The sweetness will caress your mouth ever so softly like Bob Ross delicately painting some happy trees on a landscape canvas.

The Chipotle peppers attack your taste buds with a vengeance and blast you in the face with the force of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. The lingering flavors swirl around in your mouth like a whirlpool of awesome. Soon the euphoria from the sauce effects your cognitive skills, and you begin making nonsensical similes like a bunny trying to put on a raincoat.  

The sauce is so legit that it couldn't quit being legit even if it wanted to because of how legit it is. (There's got to be a better way of phrasing that) The only catch is that it's extremely tough to find. I may or may not have put in several requests at my local Schnucks to bring this sauce back in stock. Until then, keep your eyes open, and if you see Anna Mae's Smoky Sweet Chipotle Sauce, do yourself a favor and buy a bottle. Buy me one too.