Gay for Bear Grylls???

The other night while hanging out with friends, somebody asked the question;

 If you could be stranded on a deserted island with just one person in the world who would it be?

One guy immediately answered, Kate Upton. Another said Kristen Bell. Then my friend Jake said Mila Kunis, but immediately changed it to Scarlet Johannson, and then to Jessica Alba before finally settling on Carmen Electra. Not present time Carmen, but 1996 Carmen. Back when she was in her prime, before the whole Dennis Rodman debacle. It was a hypothetical question, so we allowed it. Then it was my turn, and after having ample time to think about it, I replied quite confidently, "Bear Grylls". Which according to my friends, meant that I was gay for Bear Grylls. As if my reason for selecting him was sexual. Oh I'm sorry that I took rational thought and logic into consideration while answering.  I would like to get off of this island at some point, and survive long enough to do it. Bear has the necessary skills to help me with these goals. The other guys didn't even think about the question, they just started naming chicks that they want to bang.

 So, I turned to my friend who answered Kate Upton, and said "Look Here, Bro"

 That's how I address people when I'm about to berate them.

I said. "Look here, Bro. What do you think is going to happen out there between you and Kate? What do you think, she's just going to start banging you immediately when she realizes it's just you and her on the island? Like she's just going to look at you and be like, Well I guess we're a couple now. Quite the contrary my friend. You're the man, which means you're the provider. She will expect you to provide for her. Build her a shelter, find her food, figure out a way to get WiFi so that she can send a Tweet. You can't stop Kate Upton from Tweeting!

Now you're trouncing through the jungle of this uninhabited island unsure of what you're going to come in contact with. Have you ever seen the show Lost? Crazy shit happens on these islands. There could be a polar bear out there. Do you know how to properly defend yourself against a polar bear attack??? Bear Grylls does. Now if you're lucky enough you can avoid the polar bears, and maybe even stumble across some berries. You figure the berries would be a great thing to take back to camp and feed to Kate. Who knows, maybe they'll make her horny. Yeah but wait, some berries are poisonous and others aren't. Can you tell the difference between them? You know who can?

Bear Grylls

Needless to say, three weeks later and Kate Upton is dead, because your dumbass fed her the wrong berries. Now you're laying face up in the sand, writhing in pain from third-degree sunburns while vigorously tending to your polar bear wounds, and watching Kate's carcass be ripped apart by wildebeests, or are they coyotes?  You can't tell because you're hallucinating. You haven't eaten anything in weeks. You're completely delusional. You weigh 90 pounds and you're talking to a volleyball.

Meanwhile I'm on the 10 O' Clock news talking about how Bear Grylls built us a life raft out of bamboo and palm leaves, that sailed us away from that god-forsaken island, before we were eventually rescued by a cruise ship (Hopefully not Carnival) and if spending two or three days adrift in the open waters, butt naked in a life raft, spooning with Bear Grylls makes me gay...... Then yeah, I guess I'm gay for Bear Grylls."