OOOHH-WEE that's good!!! A review of Rumchata

 

I distinctly remember the last bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I had. It was about 6 months ago, and I recall saying to my roommate at the time, " The only thing that would make this better is if it got me drunk." So naturally when my co-worker informed me of this new Cinnamon Toast Crunch milk tasting Rum a few weeks ago, it peeked my interest. The very thought of it, made my nipples so hard that they cut through my shirt. I was still super excited to try this new Rum, but I was also kind of pissed because now I would have to buy a new shirt.

My first shot of Rumchata was a magical moment. The rich decadent flavor caressed my palate like a massage therapist working on a tender groin. The cinnamon overtones greeted my tongue with a firm handshake, as if it to say, " Hey how's it goin, I'm Rumchata. I think we're going to get along." The second shot was even better. I could feel my taste buds fist pumping and high fiving each other. They were starting to get rowdy. They were ready to party hard, real hard, like a crazy out of control only happens in movies party. The kind of party where the next morning there's like three naked chicks passed out on the kitchen table, and there's a random farm animal in the living room. Where did the Llama come from?

 

Nobody seems to remember how it got there. They just see it and say something like, " Damn that was a wild party." Did somebody go and pick it up and bring it there? Is there a petting zoo nearby? Do petting zoos deliver? If so, I think a petting zoo doing business with a fraternity isn't a wise business decision, but what do I know? How many Llamas have to die of alcohol poisoning before Alpha Delta Phi gets cut off from animal rentals?

Its 13.75% alcohol content says, " It's strong, but not that strong." By shot 5 or 6 you're feeling nice. You're feeling real nice. You're in the zone like Kobe when he scored 81 or David Freese in game 6. You feel like you can do anything. You could run a marathon, but you're not going to because that's just way too much running. It's quite the contrary with other kind of liquors. If you drink that much Patron, you get sloppy. The opposite of the zone. It's called the scene. When you've had too much and attract attention to yourself by creating an awkward social situation, like an Allen Iverson press conference. 



 

We Talkin bout practice

                           

The further into the night you get, the better you feel. Eventually you quit pouring shots, and just start drinking it straight out of the bottle. Every sip transcends you to a cloud of calmness and apathy. It feels like two unicorns are mating on a rainbow inside of your mouth. You decide you like this. You like it a lot, you think to

yourself. Rumchata and I belong with each other. We were meant to be. You decide to run away with Rumchata. Society won't like it. People won't understand, but you don't care, you're happy. You drift off into your imagination, and picture yourself and Rumchata driving through the desert in a convertible. Windows down, not a care in the world, just living life. I'd imagine a montage of me and Rumchata visiting the 8 wonders of the world with the theme from Growing Pains playing in the background.

Mike Seaver's best friends name was Boner