Baseball

Congratulations to the Saint Louis Cardinals for winning the world series. I hopped on that bandwagon and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I don't feel good about being a fairweather fan, but it's tough for me to watch baseball during the regular season. It's just so damn boring. I don't even understand why everyone chastised the Red Sox for drinking in the clubhouse during games. Have you ever tried to watch baseball sober? It's awful. Why do you think Mike Shannon is such an alcoholic? Not only does he have to watch all 162 games but he has to talk about them and attempt to make it interesting. Baseball may be America's pastime but this is present time. Attention Deficit Disorder is a rapidly increasing condition with today's youth. The average baseball game is 3 hours long and in the age of Youtube, Ipads and Xbox live I can't see these kids spending their free time watching baseball. I feel that the game is in desperate need of some rule changes, and if it doesn't happen soon baseball ratings might start to tank. I have a few ideas of how to make the game cooler.  So here they are.................

Rule # 1 ---  Fighting is allowed.... No scratch that..... Fighting is encouraged.

This is the coolest thing about hockey. Two dudes can beat the shit out of each other and the only punishment they receive is a 5 minute penalty. Imagine the leadoff hitter reaches first base, and for no reason the third basemen sprints across the diamond and clocks him in the face. Then they fight until one of them is unconscious. The loser is dragged off the field and the winner has to sit in the dugout for half an inning. It would be baseball's own little version of a power play. It's gotta be pretty easy to get a base hit with nobody at third base.

Rule  # 2 ---  Obstacles in the outfield

Diving catches in the outfield are probably the coolest thing about baseball, but if you seen one you've see them all. What if there were obstacles in the outfield? All of a sudden outfield catches would be a whole lot cooler. Each stadium would be different. Wrigley could have a mudpit. Coors field could have a slip n slide. I'm thinking a jungle gym in center field at Busch. Imagine Jon Jay making a catch while hanging upside down on the monkey bars. If that's not a top 10 play then I don't know what is. Although he would probably commit a lot more errors. I'm sure the media would crush him. They would be like...

Jon Jay has been absolutely atrocious in center field this year. He has committed several errors and it appears that he's not getting good jumps on the balls that he was getting to last year. This might be due to the fact that he is always hanging on those monkey bars. Why is he always on those monkey bars? Then there was that game is San Francisco last month when him and Lance Berkman wouldn't get off that seesaw. 27 runs in one inning....... Unbelievable.

Rule # 3 --- Players can use corked bats on their birthdays

Come on ....... It's bad enough that they have to play baseball on their birthday. Why not let them have a little fun

Rule # 4 --- Each team has a designated heckler

Before each game each team would select a lucky fan to stand behind the pitcher and talk shit to him throughout the game. They would have the drawing right before the national anthem. It doesn't matter where you're sitting. You could be 3 rows back or in the nosebleeds and you would have a legitimate shot at being selected as the designated heckler. I feel that this would create a lot more offense as the pitchers would get rattled due to all the taunting. How long do you think Cliff Lee can keep it together when he's hearing about how some dude and his boys just ran a train on his grandma?

Rule # 5 --- Players will be fined for excessive batting glove adjustments

I'm sick and tired of watching Skip Schumaker loosening and tightening his batting gloves 6 times in between every pitch. I'm sitting there watching thinking to myself..... Dude you didn't even swing the bat. How did your grip on the bat change when you didn't even swing? It pisses me off. It  pisses me off almost as much as the fact that our second baseman's name is Skip.

So there it is. Come on Bud Selig let's make these official. Then maybe I'll pay attention next year.