Gaston, I owe you an apology

I recently re-watched the critically acclaimed Disney Classic "Beauty and the Beast" for the first time in nearly twenty years, and I must say I have a different perspective on it now that I'm older

For starters I always viewed Gaston as the villain, and while this is still sort of true, he's not really that bad of a guy. Sure he could've been nicer to Belle's father, but he was a kook. Everyone knew that. Crazy old Maurice, concocting tales of a colossal beast holding his daughter hostage. What a nutjob! Crazy old Maurice!

 

 

Gaston was an intimidating specimen. Especially in a town where none of the other dudes had any muscle tone whatsoever. His best friend Lefou was like 4 foot 6. All the other dudes looked like shit, but Gaston... Gaston was roughly the size of a barge. This can be attributed to the fact that he ate 5 dozen eggs a day. No one fights like Gaston, douses lights like Gaston. In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston. This dude clearly goes hard in the gym. Some might say he went "Beast mode". Unlike the Beast who ironically didn't go Beast mode. There was not one piece of gym equipment in that entire castle, which only proves the fact that Beast was a soft ass bitch. Gaston was a man among boys, but while he possessed all the characteristics of a total gym bro, Gaston had integrity. He had standards. Those three slutty blonde chicks wanted to have 4-ways with him, but he neglected them constantly,  because he desired a classier, more studious type of woman. A woman like Belle.

Gaston was a confident man, and with biceps that size, why wouldn't he be? So he arranged a wedding for Belle before proposing, Big whoop! There was no way that rejection was going to stop the G-man from getting his girl. Who's Belle going to date instead? Lefou? Please!

Hi, I'm Lefou.

The most beautiful woman in the village should be with the most handsome man in the village. It only makes sense. But then that dumb shit Maurice had to go off and trespass on the Beast's property, and that's when things went south for Gaston.

Belle was like the original Katniss. She saw that The Beast had her father as a prisoner, and she volunteered as tribute. The only difference is that Belle faced real problems. Katniss just had to fight off a few 12 year olds, Belle had to deal with a crazy, maniacal 10 foot tall, half man, half wolf, half bear ( Beauty and the Manbearwolf didn't quite have the same ring to it) and she had to do so without the help of Lenny Kravitz. The only problem with that was that she immediately came down with a pretty severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.

Imagine being Gaston and hearing the love of your life saying positive things about the monster that roughed up her dad, and held her captive. Would you hear that, and then be like, "Oh, you mean the guy who screamed at you, threatened you, locked you up, and told you that you could never leave, is actually nice and gentle? Cool, I'll just leave him alone then."

Of course Gaston tried to kill The Beast. He had to. He was the only dude in town who could bench press more than 200 pounds. Everyone relied on him, and The Beast seemed like a veritable threat to the town's well being. This just goes to show you how hard Stockholm Syndrome can hit you. Belle dropped an L-bomb on Beast after three days. That's not even enough time to decide whether or not you love a shirt. Maybe it looks good the first wear before you wash it, but then the second time you put it on, you fucking hate the way it looks. Then you bury it in the back of your closet, forget about it, and wind up taking it to Goodwill two years later, so it can become someone else's disappointment.

Belle, by all accounts was peculiar. I mean...she read books. What was that all about?  None of that mattered to Gaston though. He saw through all of her idiosyncratic ways, and loved her for who she was, while everyone else in town talked about her behind her back.


Gaston wasn't the villain. He might have been a douche, but that doesn't mean he deserved to die. The real villain was that witch that put the spell on Beast in the first place. The last rose petal was supposed to fall on Beast's 21st birthday, but then at one point in the movie Lumiere says that they've been waiting 10 long years for the spell to be broken. That means the old witch put a spell on an 11 year old boy! That's pretty fucked up, right? That's real messed up. What a horrible person that witch was, but as a kid watching, I always just assigned the role of villain to Gaston instead. Well here I am, twenty years later issuing a public apology to a fictional character. Gaston, I'm sorry. You weren't the bad guy. You had good intentions. I realize that now.

Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the Manbearwolf.