%#@& the FCC

Looney Tunes was an extremely violent show when you think about it. There were continuous dynamite attacks mixed in, with Yosemite Sam recklessly firing pistols into the air, while Elmer Fudd desperately tried murdering Bugs Bunny. The show really seemed to encourage violent confrontations, which was weird, especially considering the fact that it was targeted at kids. It wasn't really an educational show by any means. Unless, you wanted to learn how to momentarily defy gravity.

I feel like he only falls, because he quits running. Wily had a gift. He could fly. It's a shame he never figured that out

 I remember my first day of preschool like it was yesterday. After crying for about 45 minutes, I sat down at the crafts table, where I met my new best friend Mark. I could tell right away that our friendship would be long lived and prosperous. He was wearing a Wily Coyote T-shirt. I didn't know much about Wily at the time. I was more of a Bugs Bunny fan, but I was vaguely familiar with the Coyote, mainly with his penchant for dropping anvils on people. Shortly after nap time, Mark was coloring, and I was playing with the building blocks. I was building..... well, a building. It was super cool looking, and I was just one block away from finishing my masterpiece. Then Mark approached me, called me a Doodoo head, and kicked down my tower. I was devastated. Why would he do this to me? I thought we were buds. Does this have anything to do with his Wily Coyote obsession? Nope. Mark was just an asshole. Heck, I was obsessed with playing Super Mario Bros on Nintendo, but I can never remember having urges to jump on turtles.

Ok Mario, there's going to bricks everywhere. Just punch through them with your bare fist. Watch out for these Turtles though. They're deadly

Somehow, I miraculously managed to grow up with a level head on my shoulders, after being subjected to such violent imagery and gore. Once I turned 17, I thought everything would change. Now, I can enter a R-rated movie theater, and nobody can give me shit about it. I can watch anything. Unless of course, it gets re-aired on a basic cable station. There is no shittier feeling than aimlessly scrolling through your Directv, and finally landing on great movie you haven't seen in a while, only to realize that it's been brutally butchered with completely unnecessary censorship. When watching a movie dealing with criminals and thugs, you have to sort of expect foul language and indecency. Who do they think they're helping by dubbing over the curse words? We all know poor editing when we see it. They're not doing us any favors.

Say What one more gosh darn time. I dare you. I double dare you mother freaker

I'm sure Quentin Tarrantino cringes every time he sees his cult classic film bastardized on the USA network. Imagine if all art was subjected to the same censorship as the cinematic arts. Museums would be a lot different.

No dong, no wrong

So you don't want your children exposed to inappropriateness or depravity? Good for you, that's called being a good parent. Also, there's this little function on your remote control that can be easily activated called, "Parental Controls". This will allow you to block all the offensive content deemed unsuitable for youths, and put you at ease, knowing that rather than watching movies about drugs, your kid is simply watching Wily Coyote dropping anvils. Then we can watch movies on TV the way they were intended. Even made for TV shows could be a little more edgy. Take for example, The Walking Dead on AMC, are you serious??? You're telling me that the zombie apocalypse is currently going down, and not one of these people have dropped an F' bomb yet? If that was me, I'd be saying it like every other word.

Holy Fuck! Look at all those fucking zombies! Fuck!

Bottom line, if you want to watch heavy-hitting hardcore in your face TV shows, you have to subscribe to HBO or Showtime. I'd have both if they weren't so expensive. The basic package is expensive enough. Ironically, this is due to the fact that the FCC is funded entirely by regulatory fees that are charged to communication companies. This fee is conveniently passed onto you through higher costing channel packages, which prevent you from being able to afford the exact brand of programming, that the FCC is attempting to protect you against. It's kind of like paying a delivery fee for a carryout order. Then on top of that, you get there only to find out that instead of  jalapenos on your pizza, they gave you kale, because it's healthier for you. Fuck you, pizza place. I'm a grown man. I can make my own decisions.

How about this? Every channel has an edited version and a raw version. If you're going to air "Goodfellas" on TNT, you've got to give people the opportunity to watch it uncut. Even wholesome decent movies like, "Forrest Gump" are altered in a misguided attempt of censorship. Oh, Jenny is putting Forrest's hands on her titties??? Go ahead and cut away, this scene's not important. Forrest waited like thirty years to touch those boobs. Quit trying to play it off, like it's an insignificant part of the film.

Jenny!!!!

Not only is the censorship unnecessary, but it's also ridiculously inconsistent. I watched the movie, "The Wash" featuring Snoop and Dre on BET once. Snoop's character talks about smoking a blunt, and then is shown holding a blurred out object up to his mouth, while blowing out smoke. Was that supposed to be fooling anybody? What's the worst that could happen? Everyone that sees it runs out to find some weed to smoke? Let's assign a little accountability to the American public, and stop with all this nonsense. I managed to somehow sit through "Trainspotting" two times without shooting heroin. Believe it or not, it's possible not to emulate everything you see on television. My proof of this? When was the last time you heard a story about a kid dropping an anvil on another kid's head?

Exactly