Sequels that never should've been made.

Sequels are almost never a good idea. Rarely is the sequel better than the original. Most of the time it's worse, much worse. Here is a short list of some that should've never been made.


Home Alone 2



Exactly a year after Kevin was left home alone, the Mcallister's were ready for their annual Christmas vacation, AGAIN. Only instead of arriving at the airport two hours early like responsible people, the Mcallisters slept in AGAIN, and hastily rushed through the airport like a bunch of hooligans...AGAIN. To their credit, they remembered to bring their son Kevin this time, but allowed him to wonder off shortly before their flight. Kevin mistakingly gets on the wrong plane, because apparently nobody checks boarding passes at that airport. Those were different times, way before TSA agents were stealing people's shampoo and grabbing everybody's junk. Kevin keeps his cool when he realizes he's in New York. He can handle himself. All he has to do is booby trap the city, and he'll be fine. There's got to be some Matchbox Cars and paint cans laying around. His first day in New York, and he runs into the Wet bandits, who are cunning enough to break out of a maximum security prison, but still stupid enough to be out witted by an 11 year old with ADHD. Kevin learns of the Wet Bandits plan to rob a toy store, and rather than call the authorities, he takes matters into his own hands. One thing that impresses me about the Wet Bandits is their incredibly high threshold for pain. At one point in the movie, Kevin throws a brick from a the top of a two story building and hits Marv in the face. The impact from one brick would easily kill a normal man, but not Marv. It didn't even knock him unconsious. He just stood there with a hilarious brick shaped bruise on his face, showing off his amazing ability to not dodge bricks. Kevin hit him like 6 more times. Anyways, the Wet Bandits are apprehended in much the same fashion as the first one, only it's way less cool. There's a reason why the first one is shown constantly, and is owned by any person with a respectable DVD collection, and the second is in the oddly placed bargain bin at 7-11. Who the hell buys movies at a gas station?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II

What the hell made them think that they could make a sequel and not include Casey Jones? Casey Jones played a pretty crucial role in the first movie. He saved Rapheal's ass, he rescued Splinter, and he murdered Shredder, by turning on that compactor. By the end of the movie he was banging April O'Neal. So what happened with that? Did they have a falling out? Was sharing a one bedroom apartment with four six foot tall turtles, and a rat too much for their relationship to flourish? We'll never know, because it was never explained, and it pisses me off. Instead they tried to replace him with Keno. Keno sucked, and was a novice at karate, at best. I'm not saying, that this movie shouldn't have been made, I just think it should've been done differently. The first one was edgy and dark, and this one was cartoonish and corny. Unless you think a climax of the gang, battling an autistic Wolf and a gay Snapping Turtle, at a Vanilla Ice concert is entertaining. On second thought, who am I kidding? This movie was awesome.

Toy Story 3

18 year old Andy is saddened to have to leave his toys behind when he goes to college. Really? That was the premise. The only toys named Woody and Buzz in that household being played with, were in Andy's mom's nightstand. Talk about milking an idea for all that it's worth. The very fact that the toys were still in his room, was weird. What, did he come home sometimes in the 12th grade, to play with his army guys and Mr. Potato Head? What a pussy. I bet his neighbor Sid, kicked his ass all the time.








Batman and Robin

Things about this movie that were cool - That Smashing Pumpkins song from the soundtrack

Things about this movie that sucked - Everything else

Movies with Arnold Schwartzeneggar are usually unintentionally funny, but this one is different. They tried way too hard with the script, and one bad pun after another combined with acting, worthy of a local car dealership commercial, makes you cringe over and over again. I would rather eat a bucket of thumb tacks, than watch this again.  I heard that George Clooney is so ashamed of this movie, that he will gladly pay back anyone who bought a ticket with a full refund. I'm surprised this film didn't end Clooney's career, like it did Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone's. Arnold kept his career alive and prosperous, but that's because he's an enigma. He was the Terminator, and that makes him cool for life. There is literally nothing, that he can do that will ever change that. The guy starred in "Jingle all the way" and "Batman and Robin" in consecutive years, and what was the aftermath of it?  He was elected as governor. He could've showed up at the primaries dressed as Mr. Freeze, while muttering things like "Everybody chill" and "Cool it", and people would've just been like, "Oh it's cool. He still has my vote."


The Butterfly effect 2

I never even watched this movie, and didn't have too. They made a sequel to The Butterfly effect. That is all you need to know.


Teen Wolf Too

How much of a rut does a Hollywood studio have to be in, before somebody actually suggests that they make another Teen Wolf? The second time around, the main character is Jason Bateman. He is recruited to the college basketball team, despite his complete lack of athleticism. Bateman, who is the original Teen Wolf's cousin, goes to a dance, and dances with a hot chick with huge boobs. A normal dude would just have to worry about getting a boner, but Bateman was anything but normal. He turns into a wolf, and everybody freaks out. Then just like in the first one, people adjust to him being a werwolf unusually quickly, and he becomes the big man on campus. Then for some reason he joins the boxing team. We're talking about the most nonathletic looking dude ever, that was there on a questionable basketball scholarship to begin with, joining the boxing team, and becoming a star boxer. Why boxing?  It doesn't make any sense, but then again nothing about this movie made sense.


Scream 3

Horrific scenes occur on the set of a horror movie about a horror movie within a horror movie. Poor Sidney Prescott can't seem to catch a break. She's having nightmares, seeing her mom's ghost everywhere, and people are still trying to kill her. Not to mention, the fact that she has no friends, and she's kind of a stupid bitch. I honestly don't know what's scarier about this film. The unconscionable predictability or Courtney Cox's haircut. Spoiler alert, when the music starts playing loudly, the masked guy pops up and kills people. The saddest part about it is that Sidney doesn't die at the end, which leaves the door wide open, for a completely unnecessary Scream 4.  I would rather take a Mike Tyson punch to the nads than have to sit through Scream 4. Scream 3 was bad enough. There's a reason Neve Campbell hasn't worked in over a decade.