A few weeks ago I was at Fazzoli's stuffing my face with Twice-baked Lasagna, and gorging on breadsticks. I noticed an elderly man by the soda fountain with a perplexed look on his face. It was clear that he didn't quite understand the complexities of the revolutionary machine. It was one of those new high-tech soda fountains that sort of resemble ATM'S. They're completely touchscreen, and hold three, maybe four times as many selections as the traditional soda fountain. This old man had no clue how to use it. He started smacking the side of it, like it was an old analog television with a rabbit ears antenna, and after three or four good smacks he simply gave up. Defeated and discombobulated, he set his cup down and proceeded to the dining area. A Fazzoli's employee took notice to his dilemma, and came out to remedy the situation. He showed the old man how to use the futuristic contraption, and thanks to him the old man enjoyed an ice cold glass of Diet Coke that day.
I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I offer to help? Well, if I hadn't been in the midst of temporary breadstick induced paralysis, I would have. Instead I just sat there wondering when would that happen to me, and what innovation would it be? That old man was about to eat a meal with no beverage, because that seemed like an easier option to him. I'm not even insulting his intelligence, it just seems like there is only so much gadget development that one person can handle in their lifetime. This guy probably had his mind blown by color TV at one point. Low definition TV. Not the High-Definition that we all take for granted, and have streaming live on our Video Camera, GPS, Internet Cell Phones. Technology has advanced at a rapid rate in my lifetime alone. I can only imagine how it will be in thirty years.
That's why old people can't figure out computers. Any time they click on a window or open a link, they'll tilt their head back and make a face like the one Marty McFly made when his Nike's tied themselves. It's just too crazy of a notion for them to fathom. Eventually that will happen to me. Maybe one day, twenty years from now, I'll order a pizza and the delivery guy pops out of my Floating LED 4D screen that is currently cooking Brownies, and somehow also doubles as a vacuum cleaner. Then He'll simply scan my retina, and $12.50 automatically gets debited from my bank account. " What the hell" , I'll think to myself, all while blinking at the delivery guy in bewilderment. Then I'll find out that the guy gets tipped by blinks, and I accidentally just tipped him $600. As far fetched as that seems, I bet that old man never thought he would see the day when Diet Coke is dispensed from a giant computer.
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