Long & Short Yao Ming's movie debut

It must be impossible for Yao Ming to go incognito. The average height for males in China is like 5'5".   Yao Ming is almost 8 feet tall. He stood out in the NBA. Imagine him walking the streets in China. As crowded as it might be, I'm sure he can be recognized from like two miles away. Now that he's retired, I'm sure it's become a problem for him. He probably gets hounded by paparazzi and fans constantly. Normal celebrities can disguise themselves by wearing a hat and sunglasses, with maybe a fake mustache or beard, and just kind of blend in with the crowd. Yao doesn't have that luxury. He could wear a full body chicken suit, and people would still approach him, and be like " Yao...Is that you?"

He's never going to be allowed to carry on a low-key existence, so he might as well embrace it and hop back into the spotlight. Basketball is out of the picture, but acting isn't. Yao's charisma and exuberance make him a natural for the big screen. I'd like to see him play a detective. Detective movies are always good. To make the movie more appealing his partner should be his complete opposite. All the great detective movies follow this rule. Lethal Weapon, Seven, even Starsky and Hutch. For Yao, I'm thinking Verne Troyer. It doesn't get much more opposite than that.  Long & Short is what they would be called. Yao would play Calvin Short, the wise, well mannered, health conscience veteran detective with a heart of gold. Verne would play Calvin Long, the short tempered, rookie alcoholic, who despite being an emotionally destructive nutjob,  is actually a pretty damn good cop. The only thing they have in common is that both their names are Calvin, which will cause an awful lot of confusion within the precinct, let me tell ya. Despite being complete opposites, the two compliment each other well, and rise to the top to become one of the most well respected detective duos in all of Des Moines, Iowa. Together they must track down and arrest the infamous Mr. Potato Head Killer. They call him the Mr. Potato Head Killer, because after he kills his victims he cuts off their ears and puts them where their eyes go, and then puts their eyes where their mouth goes. Then sometimes he'll take off their hat and put their nose on top of their head so they look all weird.


Long & Short call in a plethora of misguided Des Moines riftrats for questioning. Pro's at the good cop/bad cop routine, Short (Yao) makes sure the suspect is comfortable and brings them a sandwich. Then Long ( Verne) runs across the table and bitch slaps them. After interviewing every scumbag in town the duo run out of ideas. With no leads, Long & Short are ready to throw in the towel when suddenly they catch a break. They discover another dead body inside the police department, and in a crazy plot twist it's revealed that the Mr. Potato Head Killer is the police chief. A shootout ensues and Verne dives in front of Yao and takes a bullet for his partner. Then just as Yao shoots and kills the police chief, he utters what will be known as the most memorable line in cinema history. " I shoot you dead now. You die." This movie will be remembered forever. Also the police chief will be played by Reginald VelJohnson. That's the guy who played Carl Winslow in Family Matters.