The age-old question Who was cooler Zach Morris or A.C. Slater?

We could argue this one all day long. Who really was cooler. Let’s take a minute to analyze the situation. We’ll start with A.C. Slater. He was the captain of the wrestling team. He was the captain of the football team. He was even the captain of the track team. Now, this can mainly be attributed to the fact that there were only 12 male students at Bayside, but also because Slater was a straight-up stud. He always came through clutch and basically owned Valley. He had awesome hair, and when it came to fashion nobody rocked a tank top and corduroys like my man Albert Clifford.

Then on the other hand you have Zach Morris. What can you say about Zach? Well not only was he the first person in North America to own a cell phone, but he could basically be described using one word….Swag. He had swag before people even started saying swag, so you know he had mad swag. He dated the hottest cheerleader in school pretty much all throughout high school. He had a thing on the side with Jessie Spano. He kissed Lisa turtle in that one episode. During his summer breaks he would go work at an awesome beach resort, where he started banging Stacy Karosi. Oh Yeah, and when that cute biker chick Torrie started going to Bayside, he tapped that too.

But was he cooler than Slater. Zach was prom king like 3 times., but then again so was A.C. Which brings up the question, Why did they have so many proms? Maybe because they both went to high school for 8 years. Nevertheless, three paragraphs later and I’m no closer to having an answer to my question than I was when I started. Let’s just call it a draw. I’m not really sure who the coolest kid at Bayside was. It certainly wasn’t Screech.

I wonder if Screech ever watched the show family matters. If he did then he’s certainly seen the episode where Steve Urkel invents the transformation chamber. You know, the transformation chamber that genetically altered the nerdy, awkward Urkel into the suave, sophisticated Stefon Urk’el. Why didn’t Screech create his own chamber? I refuse to believe that Screech didn’t possess the same intellectual capabilities as Urkel. After all, he did invent that anthropomorphized robot named Kevin. Kevin was awesome. He cleaned Screech's room and cooked him dinner and shit like that. That robot had it all. So Why didn’t he make a chamber? It would have helped him out a lot with Lisa Turtle.

Steve Urkel was a clumsy, dorky, turbo huge nerd. Laura Winslow hated him. Carl Winslow hated him. He was always trying to tag along with Eddie and Waldo, even though they were always ditching him to go hang out with Weasel forcing Urkel to go shoot hoops with Grandma-ma. Everything was different with Stefon. When Stefon spoke Laura, Aunt Rachel and the collective studio audience got moist. He was a boss, a mack, a straight up player. He would’ve been the coolest guy at any high school including Bayside. And it was all thanks to that Transformation chamber. I just don’t know why Screech never did the same thing.