$15 an hour. Seems legit

As protests for higher wages at fast food restaurants continue to escalate across the country, it only seems right for me to put in my 15 dollars and 2 cents. Too many people are too quick to judge, and say that these workers don't deserve to have their wages doubled. Well, I say that's bullshit.

Go ahead and sit there in your fancy office chair, with your suit and tie staring at a computer screen, likely putting together a spreadsheet or something, while you sip on your fancy mocha latte frappuchino, that you had your secretary pick up from Starbucks after she dropped off your dry cleaning, you pretentious fuck! Go ahead and judge these people, but until you walk a mile in their store issued slip-resistant shoes, you don't have the faintest notion of what these people have to go through. Not only do they have to remember to constantly flip the burger patties, but also which spatula is for beef, and which spatula is for chicken. On top of trying not to cross contaminate, they have to deal with the daily struggle of only having a mere 5 second window, in which to retrieve a chicken tender after dropping it on the floor, before they have to walk to the freezer to grab more. A walk that they simply don't have time for, especially considering the fact that they've only had three smoke breaks in the last hour, and they're jonesing for a cig. It's tough coping with the pressure of trying to maintain a 30% accuracy rating on all drive-thru orders. The orders never stop and people are always selfishly customizing their meals to meet their needy taste specifications.  Some of them want lettuce, and others don't. Some want mayonnaise, and others want extra cheese. Sure these details are clearly listed on monitors inside the restaurant, but it's better just to guess, then take the time to read the screen, to verify that the order is precise.

The fact that the menu is constantly changing doesn't make anything easier for them. Once a year, Mcdonald's employees have to relearn how to make the McRib, and I'm sure that's no walk in the park. Burger King just introduced an ingenious burger innovation known as "The French Fry Burger". How the hell do they even make that?

Nothing but fresh ideas coming from Burger King What's next, the ketchup burger, or onion squares? Maybe chicken tenders that are shaped like actual chickens. Man O' man, are they on top of their game, but with all the changes it only seems fair to give every employee a 100% pay increase, right? Sure the spike in operating costs would subsequently induce drastic inflation, potentially bringing the price of a signature Burger King burger to a whopping $9, but don't act like you wouldn't pay it. Hell, catch me with the right amount of hunger at the right time of night, and I would pay any amount of money for that greasy goodness.

I know what you're thinking, if there weren't shitty jobs, there would be no incentive to find something better, and that if you work hard and assert yourself, you will succeed in whatever you do. Maybe you'll even be able to climb the corporate ladder, and help develop brainy ideas, like the aforementioned french fry burger.

Well I say, think about that shitty job that you worked back when you were paying your way through college, and think about how much cooler it would've been, had you made $15 an hour. Think about all the extra money you would've had for drugs, and beer, and stuff. I mean, C'mon...