Walmart after 10pm

If you ever been to Walmart after 10 then you know what I'm talking about. It's like watching an episode of Tosh.0. You know you're about to see some weird shit, and you have to brace yourself. As soon as I walk in I feel out of place. My Cool Rush scented Degree deodorant clashes with the wafting aromas of B.O. and Pall Malls. I quickly notice that I'm the only one in the building wearing sleeves. It's like they just emptied the drunk tank from the Daytona 500, and all the patrons immediately went shopping. As they pass me one by one, I notice several questionable fashion statements. Trends that are way out of style, and/or never existed. Undercuts, mullets, multiple fanny packs, and spiked dog collars just to name a few. I even saw a dude wearing a shoe as a hat one time, and it wasn't even like a hipster wearing it because he's unique and wants to express his originality. It was more like the guy forgot what shoes were for, and decided that wearing it on his head was the most appropriate option.

While staring at the shoe-hat guy the maintenance man runs over my foot with the floor scrubber. "What the hell", I said. Then I noticed that after me he ran into a trashcan and then knocked over a pallet. Oh, I guess this guy's vision in based on movement. I should've waved or something. Then I walk into an aisle, but can't get through due to the fact that there are pallets and boxes everywhere. In the middle of cluster is a large woman sitting on the floor slurping down a big gulp, and stocking cans of Campbell's soup one at a time, very slowly. She's never going to get all this work done moving at that pace. She glares at me, and without speaking her eyes seem to the make the statement " Go to Hell." I decide to just skip that aisle. I'll pick up some Hamburger Helper on the next trip. As I continue on I notice that there are pallets everywhere, and there are way more employees than customers. You can tell who the employees are because they all look like they don't want to help you, or talk to you, or look at you, or be alive.

These people all need attitude adjustments, I think to myself. Then upon witnessing three juggalos hackey-sacking in the bread aisle, it all becomes quite clear to me. A juggalo is a loyal follower of the hip hop group Insane Clown Posse. Instead of trying to explain what they look like, I'll just show a few pictures.

Wow...you see now why I didn't feel like trying to describe them. I'm baffled by these people. Darwin doesn't even have an explanation for them. It's like Fright Fest year round with these buffoons. The scariest part is that they're reproducing. I'm pretty sure that's how serial killers are born. By the way did they ever catch the Zodiac? I should call the detective that worked that case, and tell him to just hang out at Walmart after 10pm. Eventually he'll show up.

Anyway, if I saw people that looked like this everyday at my job, I would probably be pissed off all the time too. Maybe the big gulp lady was having a bad day, due to one too many Juggalo confrontations. That and the fact that she is probably only making $8 an hour. Unless she's been there for like 10 years, then she would be making more like $9 or $10. Meanwhile 3 out of the top 10 richest Americans are Waltons. You would think that a company that does a billion dollars of business a day, would be able to treat their employees a little better. Christy Walton can't relate with Walmart employees. She's never struggled to make a mortgage payment or put food on the table for her family. No, her problems are a little different. I'd imagine her diary entries look a little something like this.

Dear Diary

Today was horrible. First my personal chef prepared me lobster from Nantucket, and he knows I like my lobster imported from Cape Cod. Then my masseuse was twenty minutes late for my daily morning massage. Then my Ipad's battery was real low but my charger was all the way in the west wing of the mansion, and I was in the east wing. It took forever to ride my segway there to retrieve it. Then the west wing's main master bathroom was out of $10 bills, so I had to wipe my ass with $5 bills like some kind of poor person. Then to top it all off, I was out of chocolate milano's. I told my butler to have his personal assistant's chauffeur grab some from the store, while he was out picking my poodle up from the puppy manicurist. Then he comes back with mint milano's instead. Can't anything go right today.

                                            Christy

I know right..... What kind of rich snob doesn't appreciate a mint milano? I imagine she doesn't. The distribution of wealth within that company is sickening. I guess that's why so many people are anti-Walmart. It makes sense. Maybe I shouldn't go there at all, but definitely not after 10pm.