Overrated/Underrated Part 2

The Overrated 

Technology 

Look, we are balls deep in the age of information, and it's absolutely astonishing how much technology has progressed in my lifetime alone. Having said that, just because a certain technology is available, that doesn't mean it's necessary. For example, we could do without automated faucets, right? How are these convenient for anyone?

 

Sometimes the sensor is on the very bottom of the faucet and sometimes it's towards the top, so good luck finding it on the first try. It usually take 4 to 5 good stabs at it before you get it to kick on. You just stand there swiping at the air like your scratching imaginary turntables, until it finally turns on, only to immediately shut off after like half a second. Doctors recommend that you wash your hands for twenty seconds after using the restroom, yet they designed these things to give you like a teaspoon of water. And good luck drying your hands off, because the paper towel dispensers are even worse. If there's no hand dryer, and all you have is an automatic towel dispenser, you might as well just dry your hands on your pants. Technology is supposed to make things easier, and all they did here was make it hard. 

 

Washing your hands shouldn't be a stressful experience. Public restrooms are not a place you want to spend any more time in than you already need. By the way, it would be nice if businesses and restaurants wised up and started playing music at a high volume inside the lavatories. Drown out the noise that no one wants to hear. You've got to figure that pooing in a public bathroom is a complete and total act of desperation by anyone. It's not like people who could hold it in if they wanted too, are just walking into a Wal-Mart bathroom for fun. These people have no other option, they're in there taking the shit of the century, meanwhile you're stuck waving at the sink, with hands full of soap, trying your hardest not to start dry heaving. And it's not even the smells. Sure it smells like Bin Laden's ball sack, but it's the ambience that gets to you. Believe it or not, a half inch thick plastic divider isn't enough to mask the sound of a 300 pound dude pooping lava six feet away. I don't know about you, but I would rather listen to anything than that. Anything at all. As long as it's not country. 

So yeah, that's one example. And I kind of spent a lot of time on it, so I'll lightning round the rest of it.

Fitbits - They're nothing but glorified step counters. 

Siri - quit relying on Siri to do everything for you. Learn phone numbers. Remember appointments with your brain. Haven't you seen Ex Machina? Siri will make you her bitch one of these days. 

Self Checkout machines - If you have more than two items, they're a pain in the ass. And they still require an attendant, so how exactly are they making things run smoother? 

The Underrated

Cargo shorts 

I vividly remember this one time about 12 years ago when jean shorts became uncool practically overnight. There I was out and about with friends, when suddenly I started getting mocked for wearing jean shorts. What the hell, I thought to myself. These things aren't cool anymore? Since when? That was quite the blow to me at the time. I liked my jean shorts. They were comfortable, they fit me well, they accentuated my thighs perfectly. I mean, I looked good in those things. But whatever, I decided it wasn't that big of a deal, because I still had plenty of cargo shorts. Then a few years later, this happens...

Jonah hill makes one joke about cargo shorts in the movie Superbad, and just like that, without warning, cargo shorts become uncool as well. What the hell man! Does no one appreciate the practicality of these things? I don't expect women to understand. They have giant ass purses to carry all their bullshit around. Guys have two pockets. That's it. Take the bare minimum amount of items a dude has to carry with him at any given time... wallet, phone, keys. That's a lot already for the standard blue jeans pockets. It's not like you can fit much more in there without it becoming incredibly uncomfortable. But the average guy has a lot more to carry. That's the thing. I mean it varies from guy to guy, but we're talking, chapstick, pack of gum,  backup chapstick, lighter, cigarettes, mints, salami sandwich, Epipen, etc... You get the picture. The extra pockets help. Cargo shorts are a fucking pragmatic fashion choice. They're as snazzy as they are functional. And do they really look that bad? Really?

Like, if you saw this guy walking down the street, would you point and laugh at him? Meanwhile, there's a bunch of dudes walking around wearing backpacks for no reason. What is that all about anyway? Those are the people we should be making fun of. For fuck's sake, the amount of guys I see on a daily basis walking around with backpacks is astounding. I don't live anywhere near a college campus. Where are these people coming from? And these are grown ass men too. I've seen 28-29 year old dudes walking around wearing backpacks, where are you guys going? Are you on your way to the bus stop? And it's even worse when they wear these dumb ass looking things. 

What do you even carry in this thing? Your phone charger?  I am honestly genuinely perplexed when I see dudes walking around with one of these on their back. It makes no sense to me. And It usually accompanies a pair of these awkward looking sweatpants that are somehow in style, and a beanie hat in the middle of summer.

Kids these days, man... I don't know. I just don't understand them. Bottom line, if cargo shorts are wrong, then I don't want to be right.