Overrated/Underrated Part 1

The Overrated...

Mini burgers 

 

It seems like every restaurant nowadays has a menu option for you to get like 3-4 mini burgers  instead of one normal sized one, and no one seems to notice that they're getting ripped off in the process. Think about it. The average burger is at least 1/3 of a pound. The average amount of meat you get with the mini's is like 1/8 of a pound. You're filling up on the buns, man! The kitchen staff is laughing at you! Anytime an order for these things pops up on the prep line, the owner of the restaurant laughs like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, because he knows he just made a nice little profit off your dumb ass. These restaurants don't spend money on bread. The bread is literally free. They bring it straight to your table in huge ass baskets. And you're still paying the same amount of money for far less meat. Its ridiculous. I'm tired of miniature versions of foods. Mini tacos? No thanks. I'd rather have the same amount of full size tacos. Personal pan pizzas? An extra large pizza is a personal pan pizza to me.  Mini M&M's? Seriously? Who looks at a regular sized M&M and thinks, oh my that's far too big? Well I say enough is enough. Mini burgers aren't burgers. 

. 

 

What are these? Burgers for ants?

The Underrated...

Silence. 

 

I've never gone hunting. To be quite frank, I've never really understood the appeal of it.  I have many friends that hunt, but it's never even seemed remotely interesting to me. There's just something about waking up at 3am on my day off, to go freeze my ass off in the woods for six hours with a 50% chance that I don't even see a deer, that's stopping me from participating in a hunt. Plus venison really isn't that great. I mean, I guess it's OK, but it's definitely not better than pork or chicken or beef. Maybe it's cheaper to kill your own meat, but is it though? First you have to pay for a hunting permit. Then you need to factor in the cost of your rifle and the ammo. Add another few hundred dollars for a taxidermist, if you want to get the head mounted. Plus the cost of your tree stand, and all your camouflage gear,  and a jar of deer piss to sprinkle on your head because that helps somehow.... Once you factor all this in, is it cheaper? It sounds far more expensive and time consuming than simply going to the supermarket and picking up some steaks, but what do I know?

 

This is where I hunt for my meat. 

 

I brought this up to a friend who hunts once, and he told me he hunting helps him unwind. He said sitting out there in the woods alone, in silence, away from all the noise and stresses of everyday life is the most relaxing thing in the world. And that's something that I can appreciate. I'm still not going hunting ever, but it helps me understand why people do. Everyone deserves some peace and quiet every once in a while, and in today's busy bullshit world, it can be tough to come by. I think the biggest problem is that some people simply underestimate the power of silence. They think that if two people are in a room together and no one has spoken in the last thirty seconds, something must immediately be said in order to break the silence. They're wrong. Silence is therapeutic. Do yourself a favor and take 10 minutes a day, to just sit there in silence and do nothing. Close the door to your office and turn off the phone, take some extra time in your car, fake taking a shit... it doesn't matter how you achieve your ten minutes, as long as you get them. Maybe then you'll understand the impact that silence can have. 

Think about it in terms of farts. The silent farts are by far the most powerful. The noisy high pitched ones sound hilarious but they don't really pack a punch. The low pitched ones that sound like a mouse playing a tuba are equally as funny, but again, they're not nearly as potent. The deep boisterous baritone farts assert your dominance over the rest of the room, but they're certainly not the smelliest. Then you have those real gassy ones, you know the ones. The ones that sound like when a school bus comes to a compete stop. Those can really sting your nostrils, but nothing compares to a Silent but Violent. Nothing. When I start firing those Helen Kellers out of my ass, you better have a Haz-mat suit on, cause those mugs will melt the flesh off your face. Silence... it's underrated. 

P.S. So I'll admit, maybe the fart analogy wasn't the best way to illustrate my point, but I like talking about farts, because farts are funny, so deal with it...