Yes you did do that, you clumsy fuck!
Harriet was nice to him, but the rest of them treated him like shit. Eddie was always ditching him to go hang out with that loser Waldo Faldo. Carl was constantly throwing him out of their house. He killed his pet beetle that one time. Then to top it off, he challenged Steve in an episode of American Gladiators.
Lols, that episode was hilarious.
But the disrespect Steve received from Laura was on a whole different level. Mainly because of how much he cared for her. Laura was the girl of Steve's dreams. The apple of his eye. He longed for her, and she was nothing but short with him. It wasn't uncommon for Steve to profess his unwavering affection for Laura, and for Laura's response to be, "Go Home Steve!"
That pretty much sums of Laura and Steve's relationship at first. She couldn't stand him, and he couldn't stand that she couldn't stand him. So he did what any reasonable man would do in that situation, and genetically altered his DNA in a transformation chamber he had built in his basement.
About fifteen seconds in the chamber was all it took for geeky, awkward, uncoordinated, loser Steve to transform into suave, sophisticated, super cool Stefon. Stefon was the complete opposite of Steve. And for that reason, the Winslows loved him. Eddie envied him, Carl adored him, and Laura... Laura was smitten as a kitten with Stefon. She couldn't handle how sexy he was. She basically fell in love with him. Like immediately. The only problem though, was that the effects from the transformation chamber eventually wore off, and after a few days, much to Laura's chagrin, Stefon would always morph back into lame ass Steve.
And that became the routine. Steve would become Stefon for a couple of days, then inevitably transform back into Steve. Then back into Stefon for a weekend, then back into Steve. Then at one point he turned into Bruce Lee. That episode was hilarious though.
Then around season 7, things got weird. Steve built a cloning machine, and cloned himself as Stefon. So now, Steve and Stefon both existed in the same world, at the same time. Otherwise known as the exact moment Family Matters jumped the shark. If you're not familiar with the term "Jumping the shark" it's the phrase you use, when a sitcom has completely run out of ideas, and begins insulting its viewers with ludicrous plot lines. It was first used in the 1980's that one time Fonzie literally jumped over a shark on water skis. When the writers started phoning it in, and Happy days became sad days.
Another example of Jumping the shark would be when the character Tori was introduced on Saved by the Bell. All throughout the show, there were six main characters. Zack, Kelly, Slater, Jessie, Lisa and Screech. Now all of a sudden, in the middle of the last season, they introduce a new student... What gives?
Tori was a rebel. You could tell this because she wore a leather jacket. But she was also very cute, you could tell this because anytime she entered a room, the crowd went Whoo! Tori and Zack had quite the rocky relationship. At first they hated each other. Then they started to like each other. Then they started to really like each other. Then she dissapeared forever.
She really did. She was in like 10 episodes and then for some reason, left right before the finale. What was this chick's deal? Why would she transfer schools halfway through senior year, only to drop out three days before graduation? And another thing about Tori that was weird, was that the whole time she was at Bayside, Kelly and Jessie were nowhere to be found. They just weren't there. I know they were still at the school because they popped back up in the last few episodes, but they weren't around at all when Tori was there. Were they suspended? An explanation would've been nice. Maybe they just got new boyfriends or were hanging out with a different clique, or something. They still would've been visible in the background though, right? After all, there were only like 20 kids total at Bayside. I feel like we still would've been able to see them at some point. Like In the back of the classroom, or maybe we'd see them walking past Slater in the hallway, while complimenting him on his corduroys. But no, they were just gone. Until Tori left, then they were back. I vividly remember the last episode ever. It was graduation and Zack was the last person to get his diploma. Then he turns and looks in the camera and goes, "
Well can you believe it? I graduated high school." Then they all throw their hats in the air and the show ends. And you're like, "What the Fuck just happened?"
First of all, graduates are typically called in alphabetical order, and Zack's last name was Morris. Why the fuck was he going last. Powers, Spano, Slater, Turtle... Zack should've gone before all of these people. And why was no one concerned about Tori's absence? She was supposed to graduate too, and not only did she not make it to the ceremony, but no one even seemed to care. And at this point, you're screaming at your TV. Quit throwing your hats in the air and get out there and find Tori you cunts! She could be trapped in that room that used to be the radio station, or got lost in the hallway that leads to the Max. Was the Max inside the school, or was it a separate building? It was basically their cafeteria, but they never really explained it. Sorry. I guess I got sidetracked there, but you get the point now about jumping the shark I hope.
Another example is when The Office replaced Steve Carell with James Spader of all people
Anyways, the moment Steve cloned himself... that was the beginning of the end for Family Matters. The writers were grasping at straws at that point. This tends to happen with most sitcoms that feature kid actors. Eventually the kids grow up and become uninteresting, which was certainly the case for Family Matters. By season 7, Eddie Winslow was somehow older than Carl. The actor that played Eddie was only like 21 by that point, but he suffered from Greg Oden's disease, so he could've easily passed for like 47 or 48 years old.
It was hard to take it seriously, when Carl started lecturing Eddie on the dangers of alcohol. Eddie's a grown ass man, Carl. Leave him be. He looks like he's got two mortgages, three kids, and smokes a pack of Winstons a day. Plus, Richie and 3J were both going through puberty and Judy had disappeared years ago. So the only story the writers had left, was Laura and the two Steves.
You see, Steve had somehow managed to wear on Laura over the years and she had actually started to care for him. But when Steve and Stefon both walked in that front door together, Laura was struck so hard with a whirlwind of emotions, she fainted right there in the living room. Steve and Stefon may have shared some DNA, but neither one of them had any intention in sharing Laura. She obviously needed to make a choice. But how could she choose? On one hand, Steve had always been there for her. He did so much for Laura over the years. He'd literally saved her life a couple of times, and it was abundantly clear that he loved her more than life itself. Then on the other hand, there was Stefon. Stefon had good posture and wore contacts.
The fact that she even had to comtemplate this decision was baffling to me. Stefon was a mindless clone. There wouldn't even have been a Stefon without Steve. Steve is a genius inventor. He was the first human being to successfully clone himself. Do you have any idea how much money he was about to make with that discovery? Look at how rich Zuckerberg got, and all he did was create a website where people you went to high school with, post fake news stories. Steve's invention was the single greatest human achievement of all time. Not only could he create clones, but he could make superior clones. You don't think the U.S military would want to do business with Steve? Can you even imagine? Take any random Navy Seal, and put them in the cloning machine a couple thousand times, and we'd have entire platoons of Jason Bournes protecting our country.
This is who I mean when I say Jason Bourne. Not Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner is not Jason Bourne. Matt Damon is Jason Bourne.
Yet Laura was still torn.
For fuck's sake Laura, what is there to think about? Steve is about to be a billionaire. A multi-billionaire. We're talking hundreds and hundreds of billions of dollars. The richest man on earth status. Do you have any idea how great your life could be? Any idea how of how big a yacht you'll have? And people say it's not the size of the boat that matters.
Needless to say, it was very difficult to watch the show by this point, but eventually Laura comes to her senses, and agrees to marry Steve. Then I want to say that Stefon moved to France to sell cologne or something, but I could be wrong. I never watched a majority of the last season because of how ridiculous it was, but I looked up the episode guide. At one point, Steve and Carl go back in time to the 1700's, because of course, Steve invented a time machine too. Then I looked up the series finale and the description was - Steve must find a way to come back home from Outer space to marry Laura. That's seriously what happens, look it up.
Despite all of these mishaps though, Family Matters provided some high quality entertainment on Friday nights for years. Steve working with Carl and Lieutenant Murtaw, to take down The Dragons. The mysterious disappearance of Judy Winslow. Aunt Rachel buying her own restaurant... but none of these stories can compare with the most confusing love triangle of all time. Laura and the two Steve's.
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