Ever been in a crowded place simply trying to get from point A to point B, but the person walking in front of you is moving at the speed of a sloth the day after leg day? And the worst part is, there's no way around them. You're stuck and it sucks. You honestly didn't even think it was possible for a human being to be this slow. It's ridiculous. Glaciers move faster than this person.
Eventually, they quit moving altogether,
for no reason at all. They just stop moving. You see this as a golden opportunity to walk around them, but as soon as you make a move, they begin walking again, which completely cuts you off. And don't think you're getting an apology either. Oh no, they'd have to acknowledge your existence first. Next, they're likely going to walk into an establishment, and stop immediately once inside, to send a text or check their phone, or grab something from their purse. They don't step off to the side, or walk in a little further to avoid being in everyone's way.... You know, like a normal person would... Instead, they simply stop right inside the entrance, right inside the doorway, right where people are trying to enter, which causes a a highly unnecessary clusterfuck. And they don't even realize they're doing it either. The lack of situational awareness that some people display in these scenarios is absolutely astounding. Pay attention for fuck's sake!
Here's another example of something that will earn you a throat chop...
Don't leave your shopping cart on the left side of the aisle, while you browse the right side of the aisle... Similar to that dumbass lady I encountered at Shop n Save last week. How is anyone supposed to get through when you're blocking the whole aisle, huh bitch???
Here's the story...
I slowly approached her waiting for her to acknowledge my existence, and move the cart, but she remained as oblivious as ever. She just stood there staring at the spaghetti sauce, like it was the most important financial decision she was ever going to make, and needed the same amount of concentration that a brain surgeon would need while doing a transplant. "Excuse me" I said.
"What, huh... What, Oh, sorry,"
She looked startled at first, like I surprised her somehow. There was literally no one else within forty feet of us, yet I managed to get 3 steps from her, and then had to speak up before she even realized I was present. Dumbfounded by how clueless and incognizant some people can be, I wondered how you don't hear about people falling into gorilla pits more frequently. Like, I'd totally believe it if you told me that this lady wandered into a chimpanzee house, thinking it was the food court or something. The thought almost made me want to invite her to the zoo, and let natural selection run its course, but the notion of spending any additional time with that useless turd sandwich, sounded about as appealing as taking an elevator ride with Ray Rice. Not even two minutes later, I ran into her again. As I was standing in the next aisle, she came around the corner and got the cart hung up on the bottom shelf. She had to back up and try it again. Apparently the five foot wide aisle was not wide enough, as she ran into the corner again only a few seconds later. Then what does she do? After I already had to ask her to move once, what does she do? The same fucking thing! Again I waited a few seconds for her to detach herself from her own world, and acknowledge my presence but that wasn't happening. I glanced into her cart and became devastated when I noticed Capri Suns and Animal crackers. Unfortunately for society, this lady has already procreated. She also had Ragu in her cart. All that time spent comparing sauces and she went with Ragu? Her poor children. Not only do they have to live with the fact that their mother is an idiot, but they have to do so while eating inferior spaghetti. Before I can even announce my presence a second time, she took a phone call and began talking very loudly, which she might as well have been doing. In her mind, she was the only one in the store anyway. I wound up just turning my cart around and going the opposite direction, because at that point, it seemed like a better option.
I wound up running into her again at checkout. She lined up in the 15 items or less line, with 25 items in her cart. She may have been trying to pull a fast one, or perhaps she couldn't count that high. The most likely answer though, is that she was unaware of what an express line actually is. Just like every other aspect of her life, this chick was inattentive, absentminded, and completely oblivious to the rest of the world around her. People like this are the bane of our existence. They're the reason traffic jams exist. They're the type of people who stand on the moving walkways at airports like its a ride or something. They're the type of people who spend 5 minutes looking for their checkbook every time they're at a checkout instead of having it ready beforehand. Everyone becomes dumber after spending time around these people. I award them no points, and may God have mercy on their souls.
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