Restaurant Reviews Part 2

Applebee's: 

Pros: The 2 for $20 menu is an affordable dinner option. 

Cons: Everything on the 2 for $20 menu is shit.

Applebee's quit trying years ago, but people still go there because it's close to their house. Applebee's is the place you go when you can't decide on where you really want to go, so you just decide to punish yourself with mediocre food instead. They'll always get business despite the fact that they suck. They're like the Rob Schneider of restaurants, I don't know. I guess if I have to say one good thing about the place, I'd say their fries are Ok. 5/10

Golden Corral:

Pros: It's all you can eat. 

Cons: <--- they work in the kitchen

The food isn't all that bad.  but people swarm the buffet tables like a meteor is about to strike, and they're eating their last meal. If you ever wonder why we're such an obese nation, take a trip to the corral and you'll find out. It's like the stampede scene from The Lion King, only there's no dead lion which is a good thing, because if there were, those fat asses would probably eat it. It's a buffet, so it's pretty easy to get your money's worth. Just eat until you hate your life. But do yourself a favor. Do not, I repeat, do not visit the restroom. I made this mistake once and nearly passed out from the stench. That place smells worse than a rat infested outhouse, deep in the slums of Mumbai. Trust me. It's not pleasant, and the workers must know this because no one ever goes in there to clean. They'll either have soap and no paper towels, or paper towels and no soap. Plus the floor is all dirty, you can't walk two feet without stepping on an aborted baby fetus. The fried chicken is good though. 5/10

Ruby Tuesday: 

Pros: They're known for their salad bar.

Cons: They're known for their salad bar?

If you're like me you don't mind salad, but when you go out to eat, you usually have an appetite for a.... well you know, an actual meal. Unfortunately for Ruby Tuesday, food isn't one of their specialities. Their menu consists of a variety of subpar burgers and sandwiches. Pair that with the dull, listless atmosphere they've created, and it would appear that nothing about that place stands out in any way, shape, or form. As far as quality goes, they're maybe a notch above Applebee's, but what does that even count for? Beating Applebee's in a taste test is like beating Michael J. Fox in a game of darts. It's nothing to be proud of. 5.1/10

Outback:

Pros: Alice Springs chicken

Cons: They put mushrooms on the Alice Springs chicken

Look, this place is awesome. It really is. I don't have one bad thing to say about Outback, and I gotta say it feels good to finally be able to speak positively about a restaurant. Outback is legit. You can always count on a great dinner down under. Just be sure to remember to 86 the mushrooms from your Alice Springs chicken, otherwise you'll have to pick them off, and by that time it's too late. Because by then, the flavor is already implanted in the cheese, and every bite reminds you of the awfulness of mushrooms. It will ruin your entire week. Other than that, everything is delicious. Outback is amazing. 9/10

Chic-Fil-A

Pros: Dynamite chicken

Cons: They're literally always busy

If you love chicken this is your spot. Nugget, tenders, sandwiches, Chic-Fil-A's chicken game is on point. It's the best chicken in town. Which is precisely why it's always packed. The staff is really fast and efficient though, so the long lines always look worse than they actually are. The only thing about it though, they say "My pleasure" too much. It's "My pleasure" this and "My pleasure" that. That's enough with the "My pleasure"

I realize it's probably a corporate policy, but it comes off as sarcastic sometimes. They really need to dial it back a bit. No one's that enthusiastic about serving other people chicken. 

Still though. Chicken is flame. 9/10

Subway:

Pros: $5 foot longs

Cons: The guy making your sandwich is on his first day. 

It's been a rough year for Subway. First there was the class action law suit alledging their foot longs were only 11 inches, then their spokesman got indicted for being a kid diddler. 

Yet throughout all the turmoil, Subway has persevered. They're still going strong. And their sandwiches are pretty good for the most part. It just sucks that every time you go there, it seems like the guy making your sandwich just started 10 minutes ago, and has to consult the charts every three seconds to make sure he's making it properly. Then they always play that game called, let's see how much lettuce I can stuff into this sub. It's rather unnecessary, but i suppose it's my own fault for not living closer to a Quiznos. 6/10