Social Awkwardness

So there you are having a conversation with a friend, when a serious topic comes up. You listen attentively, because they're your friend, and you have a genuine concern for their well being. They start going into great detail about their grandmother's terminal illness, or something to that effect, when suddenly their expression changes. And that's the moment when you realize that you're smiling. Another human being is currently confiding in you about some dramatic shit, and you're standing there cheesing, like a fucking idiot. How did this happen? It's not like you find pleasure in others' pain. You're a good person, at least you think. Perhaps, it's because your attention span is only 3 minutes, and they've been talking for 4. Now instead of lending an empathetic ear, you've completely zoned out, and are replaying that scene from South Park in your head, when the boys meet Mr. Derp.

You fight back the smile, and the discussion continues, but rather than paying attention, you're now focusing all your will power on maintaining a straight face, because god forbid you start smirking again. That would be a disaster.  The conversation finally wraps up, and you walk away a little confused as to what just happened.

Fact is, that's just how real-life exchanges go sometimes. Not every talk can be legendary, clever banter, like the ones Dawson and Joey had every night, or a vibrant witty back and forth, between the Gilmore Girls.

Some conversations start with your buddy asking, "How are you?"
Then you respond, "Not much." Because you totally expected them to ask, "What's going on?" and you prematurely had that answer on the tip of your tongue, but by the time you realized it was the wrong answer, it was too late. You feel stupid now, and can't decide what's worse. Your greeting faux pas, or the fact that when you first saw your friend, you went in for the fist bump, and he went in for the shake. Then you being the considerate person you are, adjusted from bump to shake to accommodate them. Not realizing that while you were in the midst of switching, your friend was also changing to a bump, so then by the time your hands finally came together, you were doing some weird, sort of paper covers rock thing, and you both look like a couple of tools.

Everyone is a socially awkward to a certain degree. You may not be on the same level as say, John Hinckley, but you know there are times when you try to say bro,  then decide to go with dude at the last second, and it comes out "Brood". You butchered that one, brood.

Sure, there are times when you're engaged in a stimulating conversation, and you feel like you're being articulate and eloquent enough, to be handed your own daytime talk show. But what about the times you run into an old classmate at Walgreens, and can't think of anything to say at all? Instead you just start mumbling words with no idea how you're going to finish your sentence. You continue talking nonsense, until eventually you just sort of trail off, and end up walking away with your head down.

You're constantly thinking of things you should've said, after the fact. Even when you rehearse winning an argument in your head, you wind up forgetting certain action points during the real thing, and rather than a smooth concise delivery, you present a jumbled, verbose pile of "You totally missed the point".
You'll always wind up asking yourself the same questions afterwards. Why didn't I think to say that? Why can't I be as well-spoken as the kids from One Tree Hill? What's with this writer and CW references?

One thing is for sure. Nothing is more painful than mindless small talk. If it's cold out, why do I have to talk to everyone about how it's cold out. I know it's cold out, we live in the same area. Oh, you have a story about how long it took your car to warm up? Please tell me all about it. Between that and the never ending barrage of clichés I hear some days, I wind up shaking my head so much, I have to visit a chiropractor. Workin' hard or hardly workin? Living the dream. Are we having fun yet? I'm having a tough enough time as it is, trying to make it through the day, without hearing these lame ass, redundant, bullshit clichés. The sad thing is that without clichés, and movie quotes, some people would never speak.

 The main problem with small talk is that all the applicable subject matter seem to be predetermined by society. The topics include, sports, weather, and politics. Ever have a short conversation with a toddler? It's hilarious. They don't even introduce themselves, they just go into a rant about how their neighbor has 3 rabbits, or how they saw a red truck earlier. I like that, I have to admit. I don't give a shit about the political views of the guy working at 7-11, I just want my damn Slurpee. We should take the after the kids, and change the way we talk to strangers. Instead of reminding someone how cold it is, ask them who their favorite Backstreet Boy is. They'll probably be glad you asked, and you might even make a new friend.

Then again, I guess with the powerful presence of social media, conversation is declining. Eventually, no one will even speak, and everyone will just text with their brain, but until then strive to make conversations more interesting. Stray away from the stereotypical questions, and think outside the box. You're still going to have social snafus here and there, that's not going to change, but if you must witness, incredible, flawless, dialogue you can always tune in to the CW.