Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Bullying - It's Carl Winslow's fault

Bullying seems to be a hot button issue these days. Multiple anti-bullying task forces were set up after the "Phoebe Prince" tragedy. A documentary was made that received raved reviews, and there is a ever growing number of kids posting videos on YouTube, about how they get picked on and it makes them sad. Ironically a great reason to make fun of somebody is because they posted a video on YouTube about how they get picked on and it makes them sad.

Who's to blame for this unsettling trend? Teachers? Parents? Both?

First off, let's stop pretending that bullying is a new thing. It's been around since the beginning of time. Kane bullied Abel. David bullied Goliath, and lets not forget the biggest bullies of all time, The Romans. Actually, maybe it's the Nazi's. Yeah. that's probably it. Either way, you get the point. Bullies are everywhere and have been everywhere for a really long time. Everyone will get bullied by someone at some point in their life. I've been bullied, but I've also been a bully. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? Don't judge me. I learned at an early age that bullying was OK.

Friday nights were the shit in elementary school. They were the shit in high school too, but for a different reason. In third grade, Friday night meant TGIF. A night packed with some of the greatest shows in the history of mankind. Family matters, Full house, Boy meets world, Step by Step, can it get any better than that. I don't think so, and while all these sitcoms were considered to be family shows, there was a bullying aspect prevalent in every one of them.

Take for example, Family matters. Collectively the Winslow's were a very morally conscience family. They went to church. They gave to charity, and their patriarch Carl, was a police officer as well as a well respected member of the community. All that changed though whenever Steve Urkel would stop by. "Go home Steve", Carl would shout with hands placed on his hips while shaking his head back and forth with uncontrollable anger. Steve was a nerd. That's why Eddie constantly dissed him, and Laura couldn't stand him. Laura was basically like, "Steve, you're a huge nerd. If you want to get with me you have to alter you're DNA and turn into a completely different person." That's a great message for kids who feel ugly. Oh, I know what I'll do. I'll just build a transformation chamber.

The Tanner's were the same way with Kimmy Gibbelar, with the exception of DJ. Stephanie was nasty towards Kimmy. Michelle was too. Even Danny had a few choice words for her when she came around.  We're talking about the nicest classiest most genuinely caring TV dad ever. He would be like "No Stephanie. I don't care that you drove Joey's car through the kitchen. The important thing is that you're OK. I care so much about you....Wait, what the hell.  Gibbelar! Get the fuck out of here."
That's what I learned from TGIF. Everybody has their place. Cory Matthews and Shawn Hunter pick on Minkus. Frankie and Joey pick on Cory and Shawn, and Mr. Feeny picks on everyone.

Basically if you're cooler than somebody, they should know about it. That's why Tia and Tamara were such bitches towards Roger, and JT bullied his stepbrother Mark.
 Even American Idol and the 6 other talent shows exactly like it advocate bullying. Some girl from Nebraska who has wanted to be a professional singer her entire life and finally gets her big chance, only to get yelled at and called talentless by some mean-spirited Brittish dude. You can call him an asshole, but that's just the formula of life, and it's a delicate balance. They're two types of people. Nerds and cool guys, and no matter which one you think you are, there is somebody who disagrees. You might think you're a cool guy, but the there are cooler people than you that view you as a nerd. Even if a bunch of nerds assembled and formed a support group for nerds, there would still be at least one nerd who would get made fun of by the other nerds.

That's just how it is, and we need this balance. We need assholes, just as much as we need nerds. We're a society that thrives on conflict. Millions of people don't tune in to ESPN everyday to see analysts agree about sports. We watch to see them argue, and then we remember what they said, and regurgitate their insights when we argue with our friends later about the same things. The View never would've made it past their first season if it was a show where five women sat around and complimented each others wardrobes. It's a popular show because they argue about everything. They argue about who's a better arguer, and who's won past arguments. Not that I have ever watched The View. I want to make that clear. I just understand the premise of the show.

If John Lennon had his way, and all the people lived in harmony. That would get real old real quick.I mean, come on wouldn't that be boring?  If you had the option of going to the high school from the movie Pleasantville or the high school from Dangerous Minds, which one would you pick? I don't see a whole lot of people choosing Pleasantville on this one. Sure there would be some dangerous times at dangerous minds, but at least there would be a little excitement. So, maybe one day you get your ass kicked by Emilio, or Raul and that other kid who was always hanging around Raul. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and while you're sitting alone in your room crying, and listening to Katy Perry's "Firework", you can find solace in knowing that if Russel Brand can get a girl like Katy Perry, then there's hope for you too. What the hell is she doing with him anyway? He's a complete douchenozzel. The only thing Russel Brand has ever done that was funny was starring in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. That movie was hilarious, but mainly because of Jason Segal and Jonah Hill. That was back when Jonah Hill was still hilarious because he was fat. Not that he's not funny now, but he's definitely less funny.


Go ahead and act like the guy on the right isn't way funnier than the guy on the left. I dare you. You can't do it can you? I wonder why he lost all that weight. Maybe Seth Rogen and Bill Heder teased him about it during the filming of SuperBad. Maybe not,  don't know. Who cares really? Anyways, I guess I should sum things up and answer the original question. Who is to blame for the Bullying trend? Answer: Nobody....or Everybody. However you want to look at it. Ok...Ok, if you really need a scapegoat, then it's Carl Winslow's fault. He could've been a lot nicer to Urkel.



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