Bumper stickers and Tattoos

It must be a rule that as soon as you drive a Mini-van off the lot, you are required to place at least 3 bumper stickers on it. A Mini-van itself, is a good indicator that you have children, but how is anyone supposed to know about your political affiliations, or your stance on abortion unless you have bumper stickers.

It's a bumper sticker, not a choice.

Bumper stickers are a great way to alert everyone else on the road that you're really passionate about depreciating the value of your vehicle. Oh, your 6th grader made the honor role? Please do me a favor and congratulate him for me. Long division is tough, but judging by your McCain Palin sticker, I'd say you haven't updated these in a while. That kid is probably a high school dropout by now, awaiting his court date for his third possession charge, but you don't care. You're just proud of that one time in junior high, when he got an A in math.

At least bumper stickers can be removed in a remarkably painless and inexpensive manner, unlike tattoos that require a costly invasive procedure. Tattoos used to be reserved for bikers and rock stars, but now it seems like everyone has them. I saw a guy today with a STL Cardinals logo on his arm. I guess it's good that he supports the team, but someone should tell this guy about T-shirts. That was an unnecessary thing to have permanently branded onto his arm, but I suppose it's to each his own. I just don't understand it. You're proud of how muscular your arm is? Why not cover it with a bunch of lines for no apparent reason?

At least he saves money, by never having to buy shirts with sleeves

If you told me today that I had to decide on having just one screensaver on my computer for the rest of my life, I would have to think about it for a long time. I'd probably wind up either going with a still image of Kate Upton doing the cat daddy, or the classic kitten in a wine glass. It would be tough though, and would require serious contemplation.

I mean, what would you pick?

The point is that although you might really feel the need to have your initials tatted on your bicep, that kind of thing doesn't just peel off, so maybe you should think about it for a while. An inspirational saying that you found on Pinterest might really strike a chord with you, but it wouldn't it make a better Facebook cover photo, than a part of your forearm? Even if it's something that you hold close to your heart, like the names of your children, there are probably better ways to commemorate them. Unless your kids names are tattooed on you for a different reason. Maybe it's for when you take them all to Six Flags, so you can use the tattoo as a reference. Perhaps, you're leaving the water park, and while counting your kids, you notice a problem. You'd be all, "Wait a minute. I feel like there should be more of you here right now. Hang on, let me consult the tattoo. OK, that's what I thought. Where the fuck is Alex? Come on kids, we're going to the lost and found to claim your brother."

 It's a good thing tattoos weren't more popular in the early nineties, or Mrs. McCallister wouldn't have forgotten Kevin at home, and the Wet Bandits would still be out there wreaking havoc.

Buzz's girlfriend, Woof...

 Just remember that nothing says "Class" like a neck tattoo. I'm J/K. Unless you're a professional athlete, or a convict or both, a neck tattoo isn't a good idea. Before you sit in that chair, just make sure to ask yourself if you're going to be completely satisfied with your choice twenty years from now. Sure, a skull and crossbones would look totally bad-ass on your shoulder blade, but why not just try it out as a bumper sticker first?